The Drama...

So tomorrow I will be interviewed for a local publication. Some "Medical Journal". Apparently, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

At the moment I am painfully conscious of capital letters and excrutiatingly conscious of myself.

It all seems so official. I can say "fuck cancer" and "chemo, you whoring spawn of the she-devil herself" or describe how it feels to simultaneously be bald, bloated, high, de-boobed, and sick of being sick. At least here I can be brutally honest about how much it fucking sucks to have cancer.

But tomorrow, during CHEMO I get to speak for an article. And I say breast cancer awareness is reading what I just wrote and not some stupid tacky magnet on the back of a Kia. (No offense, Kim, we only drive it to Taco Bell, right? LOL)

Garrett says I can say no pictures if I want and they will respect that. I am going to wear jeans, though. And I have the J. Lo glasses. For those of you who are just discovering true Breast Cancer Awareness I'll spell it out for you. Chemo and eye makeup are sworn enemies. Not to mention my crow's feet have an unnatural number of seemingly multiplying toes. And I don't usually leave the house WITHOUT MASCARA.

Anyway, all this self-conciousness. I have never been one to censor myself and I won't start now.

Yes, the name of my blog is ariellesaid and I say FUCK CANCER.
I am AWARE of cancer and IT SUCKS!

After I watch my posture and smile on some couch in a place that smells like bacitracin I'll sit for a four hour IV and beg for some ativan. My nerves are frayed as you may have noticed from the last few posts and I choose to take mind-altering drugs.

Speaking of nerves, I did get to walk both yesterday and today. The Thorlo socks are fan-fucking-tastic. I did 5 miles yesterday and 4 today, though I felt like Lance when he crashed on his chemo bike ride. I convinced myself that I have lung mets on top of some stomach pain (ulcer-related). I was doubled over on three different benches.

Now I am not going start using words like panic, but after I calmed down I decided to just say something about stress tomorrow. I mean, last week I fessed up to the weed after my hands turned purple and peeled. Dr. P is probably wondering why I haven't asked for the anti-anxiety stuff yet. I occasionally take a Valium, and I have some muscle relaxers, but I still need to relax.

I was also thinking maybe somehow I could get my insurance to pay for massages.

Anyhoo, I am Aware of Breast Cancer and it FUCKING SUCKS.

I'll still kick its ass!